Modern-Day Feminism: a misnomer for Misandry, a sad reality of our time

Modern-Day Feminism: a misnomer for Misandry, a sad reality of our time.

“Are you one of those ‘woke, feminist-types’”?

This is a phrase that is often thrown around, whenever someone decides to bring up women rights and calls out men over misogynistic, patriarchal ideologies. Now, let us dissect the dialogue, and try to understand how the very root of this ideology and belief system is flawed.

The air quotes, the tone, the taunting way of saying it, all point towards a bitter, almost hatred-like feeling towards feminism. This originates from the fact that misandry often gets misconstrued as feminism, causing this entire ordeal. The etymology of the word misandry: the word originates from Greek miso- ‘hating’ + anēr, andr- ‘man’, clears the air and defines what people refer to as “modern-day feminism”. Associating the word feminism with this anti-men behaviour/ideology portrays the movement in a bad light, and almost turns the point of this whole conversation moot.

Feminism, on the other hand, is questioned as a word by itself, since it uses the Latin root fēmina, meaning “woman,” and the suffix -ism, which denotes a principle or doctrine. Now, we must consider how the term was coined in 1840, in a world where women rights were as existent as unicorns or gold pots, at the end of rainbows. But should we still continue to use the term? Well, yes, despite the huge strides the movement has made, we are still nowhere close to equality to men, in any way.

Many people also slander feminism for not considering the struggles faced by men, and mention cases of male abuse, whenever cases of rape or assault are taken up. It is almost demeaning and diminishing, as this takes away the focus from the topic of discussion and the case being taken into consideration during the conversation. It is also very hypocritical, as the same men would never bring up the issues other than when there is a stir and conversation about a rape or assault case, in the media.

I do find it amusing, how men who believe “men cannot feel pain” or rely heavily on toxic masculine, patriarchal ideologies, are the ones who get touchy about cases of misandry wherein men are hated on, for the crimes of a few. While I do believe misandry is immoral, people, more often than not, do not mean “all men”, in such conversations. But again, the very people who created patriarchal laws are the ones who bring up toxicity of the same, to slam feminism down.

The root evil is patriarchy, for it affects both. But lashing at feminism for not considering men equality and misery, takes away from the actual topic. Feminism inherently means “women equality”, and not “supremity”, for we just want to get equal treatment and opportunities, and not to get gender roles stuffed down our throats. Toxic masculinity, the mental health of men, and other such issues are often taken up, and when we say: abolish patriarchal norms, we do cover these. These issues are taken up by women and queer communities, more than men, in reality, for deep down they do realise that they are looking at the world from a very privileged viewpoint.

Whilst we do see many men actually trying, commending them for being respectful and doing basic things like laundry and dishes, would actually insinuate that these are extraordinary achievements, when they are just the bare minimum. We do, however, acknowledge the efforts made by such people, but we still have a long way to go.

Going back to the word feminism, we need to see it in the light of decades, filled with misogynistic practices and beliefs. Sati practice, Johar, the unachievable fashion and/or beauty ideals, being denied the right to work and cast votes, domestic abuse, etc, are examples (and only a minute fraction) of the horrors women have witnessed and lived through. Even today, in a time as modern as the 21st century, a realm of being “woke”, marital rape has been declared as “not rape”, for it is marital, and men have some right over their spouse, as if they are an object. The very notion of objectifying women’s bodies and romanticising tiny waists, enlarged hips and breasts, clear, flawless skin, as fair as a dove’s fur, large, glistening eyes (despite the darkness and horrors of patriarchy), a sweet, dainty voice (which never even utters a word against men, for they are the rulers, and we, merely their subjects), is immoral, yet ingrained so deeply into our minds, that people refuse to dispose of it. Media uses these as traction, to sell products, movies, etc. and magazines almost feed off of such sick mindsets.

The idea of women always needing a male counterpart for stability, safety and even feeling “complete”, arises out of the poisonous roots of patriarchy, rendering our soil so arid, even cacti would not grow there. The practices of Sati and Johar originate from the idea that after the spouse passes, women do not really have much to live off of. Whilst Johar is more about self-respect, and I do understand the context, Sati is a practice that has been abolished, and rightly so. Dahej or dowry does, however, still exist, and not only is it immoral, but it also indebts the family of these women. There are so many cases of women being subjected to heavy abuse, marital rape, and even acid attacks, just because the heavy loads of dowry were not enough to quench the greed of the groom’s family.

Cases of rape, abuse, acid attacks and even eve-teasing arise from a very patriarchal mindset, which makes men feel almost entitled, and “allows” them to show their dominance over women, as if there is some odd urge to assert dominance which makes them feel empowered. This also brings to mind, the concept and sad reality of victim-blaming, wherein women are condemned for wearing clothes that are “too-revealing”, which, in some incomprehensible way, gives society the license to judge the morality, the character, and even the upbringing of the victim, and also, a right to start a chain of name-calling. In such cases, even a punishment as harsh as a death sentence cannot undo the heavy trauma that these victims bear.

So from the next time on, please refrain from using the word feminism, for male-slander, and just call it misandry. Also, if you believe women deserve equal rights, then you are a feminist. But that does also mean that you need to try and get rid of the patriarchal ideologies that have been seeded in our brains, by society.

Author’s note: I have never been able to wrap my head around the fact that some people take time out of their day to hate entire communities. I do understand disliking someone, on a personal basis, but condemning women, for being women, saying things like: women can never be equal, women are maternal, so they should stick to child-rearing and household chores, do not dress “immodestly”, is something that is very very wrong. It does come from a place of privilege, and not having to deal with abuse and slander, for something as trivial as one’s gender, is something men do not exactly comprehend.

The same goes for racism, hate crimes, queerphobic slander, etc.

PS: I should not have to mention this, but it is almost understood that “men” here stands for misogynistic men, and not “decent” men, who actually try. I, or any other woman, does not expect men to be perfect, well, not even all women support feminism, and slander women for trying to move out of the cramped up boxes of “gender-roles”. But yes, it is a request, almost a plea, to educate yourself on such issues, on the horrors of patriarchy, and at least try to understand how bad the situation is. And yes, if I have not emphasised this enough, misandry is wrong, false accusations are heavily immoral, but again, do you see how these are highlighted a lot more than actual cases of abuse? Also, these are mostly brought up during conversations about feminism, and specific cases of assault, whilst almost never being mentioned, without a driving motive of slandering feminism.

Amulya Sharma